I hate to say it, but we have students all around us with targets on their backs. "What do you mean, Quarles?" I mean that we have kids who are seen as the troublemaker. They are targets of the ire of adults. Sometime in their lives, they did something wrong. Probably lots of things. Maybe they are the child who fights or hits. Perhaps they are the incessant talker or the kid who lets curse words fly. Maybe they are the one who has to save face, so they argue with adults. In any case, they are being watched and, at any hint of a slip up, adults are quick to pounce. You might say these kids can't catch a break. They simply stand out in the crowd like a walking target.
For a kid with a target on their back, turning over a new leaf can be an almost impossible task. They often get blamed even when they didn't do anything wrong. And, when they do the right thing, do you notice? You see, we tend to watch these kids and wait for them to screw up. Why do we do that? Why can't we give them a new start every single day like we do with everyone else? Why do we heap on the punishment and ignore the positives?
Unfortunately, it is human nature to look for problems. It is what we do. It literally takes a concerted effort to find the positive. Plus, in many cases, these kids have done something to personally offend us. Maybe they talked back or lashed out at us. In any case, we were hurt and we can't let it slide. To do so would be to lose face ourselves. Of course, we don't say that, but inside we know it's true.
Would you join me in a mission to help wipe the targets off, or better yet, never let them get put on in the first place. How? First, by building relationships. It is hard not to like someone you have come to know. You might get criticized by those looking only at the target, but who cares? Second, by letting each day be a fresh start. This can be hard. Grudges are easy to hold, but hard to release. Until you do, though, no change will occur. Third, by teaching kids that there is a better way to do things. Many kids lack social skills. You have to teach them. They tend to react to situations. You can teach them to respond. It takes time, but is worth the effort. Fourth, you can watch for the good they do and acknowledge it. Not a long, syrupy speech. A simple, "Hey, I saw the positive thing you did. I am proud of you," will suffice. Finally, and most importantly, you can listen. Listen to kids who you want to chew on. You want to tell them what to do and how wrong they are. Instead, open your ears and listen to what they are saying. You might find out there is more going on than you see on the surface. You may find that the tough exterior many of these kids wear is nothing but a facade hiding a scared child.
As adults, we need to do everything we can to help erase the targets so many of our kids wear on their backs. We need to erase the target so they can have a chance to become the people they were meant to be. As long as they wear a target, it will never happen.
