What do you do when your work becomes a job instead of a mission? That’s where I am at right now. Going in to the school feels like I’m just going to work, not changing kids lives like it has felt for the last 28 years.
A little background. I taught school for about 15 years, was an Assistant Principal for 6 years and then was asked to be Transportation Director, a position I held for another six years. It was this last postition where I felt that I finally felt like I had arrived at what I was supposed to do. It was work that was rewarding and I was able to help bring a department into the 21st century. Despite the challenges, high blood pressure, extreme stress, and anxiety that went along with it, it was fulfilling.
Last summer, I was told that they were restructuring the department and I was now needed as a principal at the Early Childhood campus. This was not anything I was expecting, but I went with it. Now, three months in, I go to work feeling just like that, “I’m going to work.” It is just not this same. I often feel like I really just don’t care. That is so unlike me.
Part of the issue could be the way my central office looks at the campus. They see it as place that is really not necessary and that kids should just learn to “play school” while they are here. At the same time, they are offering an incentive for teachers whose kids make acceptable progress on a formal test. So, I am betweeen a rock and a hard place. Stop focusing so much on academic leaning, albeit very rudimentary learning, but still ensure kids make adequate progress.
Another concern is that I was progressing in the Transportation world, having just earned one of the highest ratings offered by the Texas Association for Pupil Transportation with a chance to teach adults, one of my joys. I am also on the board of our area Transportation organization. I was around people who wanted to learn, even using their weekends to go to trainings. That is almost anathema in the campus world, even among the best leaders I’ve known. Taking a weekend to go and learn new skills, network, and build relationships is looked at with suspicion. Summer conferences, no problem. Extra training outside of work hours, what?
In this new position, I don’t have the support network that I had before. In fact, I’m not even sure how to start building one. Maybe others are waiting for someone to step in and start the process or maybe they’ve never even thought of it.
Right now, I have to consider how I need to respond. I’m not looking to retire yet for financial reasons. If I did retire, I would go right back to work (I’d planned own doing that anyway as I can’t sit still for long without going stir crazy). Here a few things I’ve thought of:
1) Change my attitude. Start looking at my current situation as an opportunity to grow. Begin reading and learning on my own. Spend more time with teachers and staff to learn from them. Journal daily on the positives of my work and where I am growing. Seek out ways to connect with others in the same position.
2) Look to the future. Right now, I am trying to live in two worlds. It may be time to disconnect from the previous world and fully focus on where I am headed now.
3) Locate or build a support network. I am a member of our Elementary Principal Association, but have not attended any meetings. That should be step one. If that does not fulfill the need, I can always try to build something in our local area. Relationships are vital to success. Having people outside to connect with who have the same issues as you is so important. The Transportation world has made creating those relationships into an art. Now, let’s see if that can be reproduced at the school level.
3) Start leading responsively. Being in a new place, it is easy to react to the situation rather than respond and act to bring about positive change. I have been focused on adapting to the situation rather than focusing on improvement. I always hated the status quo, yet I seem to working to maintain it. Only I can break out of that mold.
4) Retire. I could take the leap and retire, knowing that things will be tough. I just don’t know if that is what I want to do.
5) Get another job in my field. With the experience that I have, I could get another position in my field. My question is, do I really want to? I would likely have to move somewhere else or at least switch districts. I would also probably have to take a pay cut unless I chose to drive a long distance to work each day.
So here is my final question to myself: Should I remain in my current role and work to bring about change in myself first and then the organization or should I hang it up and move on?
I’ll keep you informed.
