Behavior Influences Behavior

I spent the first four days of last week at CPI Nonviolent Crisis Intervention training. I am now a certified NCI Instructor.  

The NCI course is focused on developing skills to minimize crisis situations as well as respond to them when necessary. It was beneficial and I hope that we can get more in our district trained soon.

One of the key points in the training is a concept called Integrated Experience. In layman's terms, this means "Behavior influences behavior." Think about that. Behavior Influences Behavior. Simply put, the way we behave can influence the way our students (or spouses, coworkers, family, etc) behave.

Let me give you some examples. Let's say you are teaching and your keep raising your voice. What do your kids do? Usually raise their voice. If you are talking softly, but with authority, your kids will usually talk quieter as well.

When I am at home with my teenage son, I will sometimes get frustrated and raise my voice at him. He responds by raising his voice back. What do I do? "Don't you raise your voice to me!" This only causes him to raise his voice again.

A student is visibly anxious, slumped over, tapping their feet. Their teacher approaches them and says sternly, "Sit up straight and stop tapping! You've got work to do." The student jumps back and shouts, "Leave me alone."

Picture the same situation. This time the teacher approaches, bends down, and quietly says, "You look like something is bothering you. How can I help you?" The student says they are not feeling well and asks for a drink of water. The teacher sends them out and they come back and go to work.

In each of these cases, the adult's behavior directly impacted the child's behavior.

As educators, the way we respond to a situation can either help defuse it or cause it to escalate. The course goes into this in detail, but in a nutshell, our behavior is often the deciding factor in how a situation turns out.

I encourage you to spend some time reflecting on situations you have faced this week. Ask yourself some tough questions such as, "How did my behavior influence how the other person behaved?" and "What could I do differently the next time I'm faced with this?" 

Mission Statement Breakdown

Below is a post I sent to staff this week as we introduce our new Mission and continue working on our Vision, Values, and Goals.

“The Mission of Northside Primary School is to create a safe, nurturing environment where each Kindergarten and 1st Grade child learns to his or her highest potential.”

Last year, a team of Northside staff took input from the entire faculty and crafted our new mission statement.  It was a time consuming process going through all of the great input to craft a succinct word picture of what we are about. We literally selected each word with care and a fair amount of debate.  In this post, I’d like to break this mission down and talk about each part.  

“The Mission of Northside Primary School” - While this may seem like just a placeholder, it is really saying this:  “What follows is why we are here.”

“To create a safe, nurturing environment” - When kids walk into Northside Primary School, they should feel that this is the safest place they could be, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.  They should know that every adult is working hard to keep them safe all day long. They should also know it is a place where they can grow and develop among people who love them unconditionally and are committed to their success.

“Where each Kindergarten and 1st Grade child” - We are a Primary campus.  Our focus is on primary kids and everything we do must reflect that.  Every lesson, every activity, every word we say, every action we take.  What we do here may not be the same as at higher level schools, but it will be what is best for our Kindergartners and 1st Graders.

“Learns at his or her highest potential” - The primary purpose of Northside Primary is learning.  That is the reason we exist. We recognize that every child is capable of learning at high levels, often much higher than we give them credit for. We also know that every child is different (hence the “his or her”).  For this reason, we will do whatever is necessary to help each and every child reach their potential.  We will set goals that stretch them instead of holding them back.  If a child needs extra support, we will give it.  If they are not learning in the way we teach, we will teach differently.  We will ensure that every child is successful, no matter how much we have to stretch to make it happen.  

Will fulfilling this mission be easy? No.  Will it stretch us and make us uncomfortable at times?  Yes.  Will fulfilling our mission be what is best for Northside kids?  Absolutely.

Protecting your best

Often, our mistakes teach us our greatest lessons.  This was brought home to me clearly this week.  I had a student who was behaving poorly for a number of reasons in a class.  His behavior was interfering with the learning of the rest of the students in the class.  The teacher was fairly new and had a demeanor that seemed to conflict with the student.  She also was regularly visibly upset by the child's behavior.  So, after spending a couple of days trying to find a solution, I chose to move the student.  I moved them to one of my best teachers classrooms, hoping that the change would help the student. It didn't.  Instead, it disrupted the better teachers classroom and affected the learning of her kids.  Now, my average teacher is happy and my better teacher is threatening to retire if she makes it through the year.

In his book, Shifting the Monkey, Todd Whitaker says that we need to do everything we can to protect our best people by not putting someone else's monkey on their back.  I did just the opposite.  I took the problem child monkey from my poorer teacher and placed it squarely on my better teacher's back.  Bad move.

What should I have done?  I should have left the child where they were and provided support and additional training to their original teacher.  This would have helped her grow professionally while protecting one of my best.  It would have created more work for me, but in the name of protecting my my best, it would have been worth it.

This was a hard lesson to learn, but one I will take to heart.  As Todd Whitaker says, monkeys need to stay on the back of the people to whom they belong.

Thanksgiving

1 Thessalonians 5:18 - "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

We're coming up on Thanksgiving and a much needed week of rest. I hope yours is refreshing and that you come back rejuvenated for the three week run until Christmas.

For you trivia buffs, the first Thanksgiving is recorded in 1621 when the colonists at Plymouth and the Native American Wampanoag tribe shared an autumn harvest feast. The holiday did not become official until 1863, when Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national day of Thanksgiving to be held in November.

If you are like me, your Thanksgiving consists of lots of food, time with family, and a good amount of fun. Okay, I admit, my Thanksgiving also has lots of hunting in it. But, in the middle of the food, family, and fun, please remember that this is a holiday of Thanks Giving. Literally giving of thanks.

I hate to say it, but it is our tendency as humans to hone in what is going wrong and forget to spend time focused on what is right. So, this Thanksgiving week, I challenge you to refocus your heart and mind on all that you have to be thankful for.

I've included below my list of Thanksgiving ABCs. This is an alphabetic breakdown of things I have to be thankful for. Just making it gives me a glad heart. Plus, as Paul says, it is God's will that we give thanks in everything.

Hope you have a restful week!

A- Ability to work every day

B- Bible

C- Church

D- Ducks and Dove and Deer

E - Education

F- Family

G- God’s provision

H - Hunting

I- Internet

J- Jesus death, burial, and resurrection

K- Kids
L- Laughter and Love

M- Music

N- Northside Primary School

O- Opportunities to serve

P- Patience

Q- (William) Quarles

R- Relationships

S- Sheryl Quarles

T- Time

U- Unlimited data on my phone

V- Vacations

W- Wildlife

X- X-Men movies

Y- (Feeling) Young

Z- Zany fun