A Gentle Answer

"A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger."  Proverbs 15:1 (The Bible)

Communication matters.  The words you use, your tone of voice, even your posture makes a difference in how the message is received.  When someone comes to you agitated or angry, it is possible to alleviate that anger by speaking respectfully to the person and listening to their response.  King Solomon put it this way, "A gentle answer turns away wrath." 

Every day, I have children and adults come into my office angry or agitated.  I have a choice in this situation.  I can join in their anger and lash out at them or I can choose to listen and then answer them calmly and respectfully. This doesn't mean that I agree with them or that I'm not going to honor their requests.  It also doesn't mean that I'm going to withhold disciplinary action.  It does mean that I am going to answer them with dignity and respect.  In doing so, there is a greater chance that the person will leave my office calmer than when they entered, even if they did not get what they wanted.  

The flip side of this is also true.  It is possible to throw fuel on the fires of anger by our response.  If someone is angry and we respond in kind, it only exacerbates the situation.  Both parties end up in worse shape than when the situation started.  This afternoon, I watched from a distance as an adult, already agitated, was reprimanding a child about their behavior.  The child stood there angrily and then went and sat down.  A few moments later, the same adult approached this child again, stirring up an already tense situation.  In the end, both of them were angry, neither got what they wanted, and I had to step in to try and calm things down. 

I'm not proud of this, but I have been guilty of using harsh words in many situations.  In fact, this seems to be the path of least resistance.  Answering gently, on the other hand, takes practice and a concerted effort.

As educators, we have to remember that we work with children, most of whom still do not have full control of their emotions.  We also have to remember that we are the adults.  These children are looking to us to teach them how to act and respond in various situations.  Some may not have positive role models at home to give them this guidance.  The way we talk to others, both children and adults, is leaving an impression.  We get to choose whether we will use a gentle answer to help calm a tense situation or a harsh word to make it even worse.  Which choice will you make?

Please see Gentle vs Harsh a ShowMe lesson I created on this concept.  Please forgive the simplicity.  It is my first effort on ShowMe.