Victim or Victor?

"These kids just can't get it. I could teach if they would just try harder."  "Parents are the problem.  If they would just raise their kids with some manners, my job would be easier."  "If Central Office would stop sending more mandates, I could get something done."

Sound familiar?  These refrains, in various form, are heard in schools everyday.  These and similar phrases along with the thought processes that accompany them are what I've started referring to as victim mentality.  True victims are at the mercy of others, usually not by choice.  A victim mentality, however, is a choice.  I know because I've made it many times in my life and career.

So what is a victim mentality? In simple terms, it is putting yourself in the role of victim by blaming others or circumstances for your current condition.  Victims, in this case, give up control to someone or something else and simply accept circumstances as they are.  It is what Zig Ziglar used to call "stinkin' thinkin.'  It is possible that your current circumstances may be affected or even have been brought on by forces outside of your control.  But, that doesn't mean you have to allow these to control you.

The opposite of victim mentality is victor mentality.  Victors may be in the exact same situation or circumstances as others. They may be facing the same challenges.  The difference is that they take ownership of the problem and look for a solution.  Victors do not give others control over how they respond to circumstances.  They focus on what they can do to change things and then get to work.

Overall, victim mentality is the simpler path because it relieves you of responsibility.  If circumstances are beyond your control, how can you be expected to do anything about it?   Unfortunately, it is also the most dangerous.  This mentality can lull you into believing you can't do anything, so you just don't.  Why try to get better if nothing is going to change?  Why work harder if you can't change anything?

Victors, on the other hand, take responsibility for the situation they are in, even it is not of their own making.  They determine to do what is within their power to do.  They refuse to be defined by their circumstances.

In education as in life, people can choose either of these two mindsets.  The victors are the ones who move classrooms and schools forward day after day, year after year.  They are the ones that defy circumstances and do whatever it takes for kids and schools to succeed.  They do all this while the victims sit back and watch, wondering why these people are working so hard.

So, which will you be:  victim or victor?  The choice is yours.

Perspective is everything

A few weeks back, we had a fundraiser kickoff where a salesman came and spoke to all of our kindergarten students as a group. The kids came in, sat on the cafeteria floor, and listened and laughed during the presentation.  They oohed and aahed at the prizes being offered and played along with the salesman's antics.  When he asked for quiet, however, several continued talking with their friends and teachers had to intervene. This disturbed me because I know our kids can do better and we had been practicing how to behave when we have guests.  I was shocked when, as the salesman was packing up, he told me this was the best kindergarten group he had worked with in a long time.  When I pressed him for details, he shared that he usually spends most of his time just getting kindergartners quiet, especially after the exciting parts of the program.  Our kids, he told me, were excited at the right times, but got focused when they needed to.  Being that this is my first year with kinder, his perspective helped me see that our students may be doing better than I realize.  (By the way, 1st Grade was marvelous at the next presentation.)

This is not the first time this has happened.  In my first year as an administrator, I was put in charge of the cafeteria where we had to feed close to 800 students in three 30 minute shifts.  We had a system in place, but I never felt that it was the best it could be.  To me, there was too much movement, especially as we were cleaning up, and the room was often too loud for my taste.  One week, we had a substitute custodian who rotated among districts.  About the middle of the week, he approached me to tell me how much he enjoyed working in our cafeteria.  I thought, "Good gracious, why?" In his perspective, this was one of the most organized school cafeterias he had ever been in.  "In most places I work, the kids are constantly getting up, are turned around talking, and they usually leave a mess.  Your kids don't get up until it's time to put up and they clean up after themselves. It makes my job easier."  After that day, I started to view the cafeteria a little differently.

When we are in the middle of a situation, our perspective can become skewed, often towards the negative.  Sometimes, it takes the perspective of an outsider to shed light on the positives that are all around us.  Does this mean that we should stop trying to improve?  Of course not.  It does mean, however, that we need to invite other perspectives and allow ourselves to celebrate the positives while working hard to reduce or eliminate the negatives.

(By the way, this can also work in the opposite direction, when we think things are going great, but others do not have the same perspective.  We need to listen and learn in both cases.)