Curious George and the power of adult action

I've never read a Curious George book.  This thought struck me recently.  My son and I went to see the movie and watched the TV show on PBS, but I never read the books. They just weren't for me, I would say.  After reflecting, I realized the probable reason.

Let's take a trip back to 1971.  An excited 1st grader walks with his class into his first book fair with money burning a hole in his pocket.  The book fair was held in the music room because the library wasn't big enough.  As this little boy enters, his eyes move around the room, filled with stacks of books larger than he's ever seen.  There are books everywhere.  As an beginning reader, it is like a candy store of words, waiting to be tasted.  Glancing to the right, he sees a table with several books that he recognizes from his aunt's house. Curious George. He has heard his aunt talk about the silly monkey during his visits. The little boy quickly makes a bee line to the table.  As he is quietly thumbing through the first one, marveling at the pictures of the man in yellow and the little monkey, a gruff adult voice comes from behind.  "Those aren't for you," the woman said.  "You need to get a book from over here."  The little boy dutifully walks to where he is directed and with no enthusiasm, picks out a book from "his" table.  He doesn't remember the name of the book he got that day, but he does remember that Curious George wasn't "for him."  At least that was the excuse he used when given the opportunity to read the H.A. and Margret Rey classics.

I can still remember that scene clearly.  The woman who directed me to the other table and told me those books weren't for me was probably just a volunteer doing what she was told.  But for the next 45 years, I did not read a Curious George book.

Adults have great power in the lives of children.  As an educator, I am often reminded of the need to build them up and encourage them, not take the wind out of their sails.  They come to school each day, eager to learn and grow.  They want to be challenged and to make choices on their own, As the adults in their lives, we are charged with guiding them and helping them to grow in a loving, nurturing environment where they can safely take chances.  In order to do this, we have to carefully monitor our own words and actions, always aware of the potential long term consequences.

Did this Curious George incidence turn me into a non-reader?  No. I usually read 20+ books a year.  Did it have dire effects on my psyche? I hope not.  But it was powerful enough for me to remember the details years later and to miss the chance to enjoy some of the world's most famous children's literature.

Now, I'm heading to the library because it's never too late to start.

The "bad" kids?

Recently, during a training on stages of behavior, a teacher commented to the group that the kids she  was about to work with in ISS were "bad."  She went to on to tell how they just didn't care how they acted and there was not much she could do about it. The trainer moved on after this and I didn't get to talk with her as she left quickly.  Maybe that opportunity will arise later.  If I I ever do have that chance, here is what I would say:

"I understand where you are coming from.  At one time, I thought the same thing.  I believed that there were the good kids who rarely got into trouble, the kids who were annoying but not to the point of disruption, and then there were the "bad" kids.  I always hated to see those kids in my class because I thought they just didn't care.  Over time and lots of experience, though, I learned that none of that is true.  The kids who are acting out care just as much as the ones who behave all the time.  Their acting out is simply a cry for help, a way to say "I'm having problems but I don't know how to express this any other way."  These kids need caring adults who are willing to take the time to recognize their cries for help, build relationships with them, and then teach them ways to respond appropriately.    They need people who are willing to see beyond their behavior to the person underneath.  Until that happens, nothing will change.  In the role you are in now, you have many opportunities to be that person."

As an administrator, I spend countless hours just listening to kids who are sent to me because they have been disrupting class.  I see this not as an opportunity for punishment, but as a chance to hear their side of the story and then teach and practice different ways to act in the same situation.  Are there consequences when a student has been behaving inappropriately? Of course, because in life there are always consequences.  I just try to focus on natural consequences whenever possible.

It is funny how time and experience change our perceptions.  For me, it was the difference I saw in  kids after they left junior high and entered high school.  They matured and began to make better choices.  Many of the so called "bad" kids that I had as students earlier in my career are now successful adults. In fact, I have had a number apologize to me for their behavior.  Now that I am on the primary campus, I have many of my former students children.  I see them working hard to be good parents and am thankful that I and my colleagues didn't give up on them so many years ago.

As a primary school administrator, I have the opportunity to help kids develop the skills they need to be successful in the years to come.  I can think of no greater blessing than being able to see these children in junior high and beyond making great choices because they learned how when they were in kindergarten and first grade.

But, I've strayed from my point a bit.  So, to reiterate, every child wants to be successful. None really want to be the "bad" kid.  As educators, we must do everything we can to help all kids learn the skills they need to be productive citizens. When they make bad choices (everybody does), we need to resist the urge to label them and instead take the time to listen and be there to guide them along.  In doing so, we will help them become the best they can be.

Tending the garden

Last week, I planted a tomato plant.  Actually, I planted two as a meager attempt to get back into gardening.  As I was putting them in the ground, it occurred to me that, as an educator, my job is very much like gardening.  I don't mean that it's dirty work, although that's sometime true.  Instead, the work of an educator is like tending to the seeds in a garden.  If you've ever planted a garden, you know that the first step is to prepare the soil, often removing weeds and tilling up the good dirt.  You might also add fertilizer.  Then, you make your rows or mounds to ensure the plants have room to grow.  Third, you plant the seeds in the soil and water them.  After that, the next few days or weeks are spent watering the seeds and watching as they grow.  Over time, after continued watering, weed pulling, and pest killing, you can finally collect the harvest.  If you don't do these steps, chances are the plants will either not grow or they will not bear fruit.

In the same way, the children who walk into our schools and classrooms are like the plants in a garden.  Some are seeds, just waiting to sprout.  Others are already in various stages of growth and need our help to keep them on the right path.  Some have come in with soil preparation already underway.  Others are trying to grow in a patch of weeds. Some receive water every day.  Others are still waiting for someone to turn on the hose.  Some are healthy and bearing fruit already.  Others are stunted.  Some are in perfect soil.  Others may need to be transplanted to grow.  The funny thing is, on the outside, they all look like kids.  It is our job to build relationships strong enough so that we can see where they are in their growth. Then, like a gardner, we have to provide the necessary support to help them grow.  That support will rarely be the same for every child.  Some will need more time and effort to grow than others.  Some might not even sprout during their time with us.  It doesn't matter though.  Each one can grow. We must choose to never give up on them, but keep nurturing until they finally grow into the people they were created to be.