Choices

"You can eat all of that food or you can go to your room, young lady."

 Which would you choose?

"You can get to that office now or I can call your mother." Hmm, decisions, decisions.

In either case, there is not much of a choice given.

"You better decide now or it's not going to be pretty around here."

Sadly, these are the kinds of options that kids, particularly those with behavior issues already, face every day.  No matter how they choose, they lose. There is no positive choice.

But what if we changed these scenarios.

"You have a choice. You can eat your beans first or your potatoes first. Which do you choose?"  

"It's time to go to the office. You have a choice. You can walk with me or you can walk ahead.  Which do you choose?"  

At this point, either keep eating or start walking and let them make a choice.  They now have two positive options, both of which get the result the adult was looking for in the first place.

Offering two positive choices give kids a chance to practice decision making and have some control over the situation.  It also allows the adult to focus on the positive response they wanted from the beginning while teaching the child the skill of decision making. For this to work, however, two things must happen. First, you have to give the child some time to make a choice.  This may take some time. Be patient.  If they don't choose, repeat the choices without sounding angry. Second, both choices have to be positive for the child.  If one is positive and one is negative or both are negative, it comes across a threat.

So, let's revisit the above situations. You've just given the child a choice between eating their beans or potatoes first. After a few moments, they start eating their beans.  At this point, it is time to notice them and reinforce their decision.

You chose to eat your beans first.   

In the second scenario, the child goes ahead of you and makes it to office before you arrive. As soon as you get there, acknowledge their choice: You chose to walk ahead of me.  

While it may seem simple, giving two positive choices can alleviate many of the power struggles that adults face with kids every day.  Also, if a student is upset, it can help them become calm by giving them options and some control over those options.

Are two positive choices always necessary?  Of course not.  If a student is following directions, then there may be no need for choices.  If a student is in a fight or flight state and unable to make a choice, then an assertive command will be necessary.  In case of an emergency, choices could be dangerous.  For example, during a fire, the only choice is to get out of the building through the safest route possible.

Giving two positive choices is a powerful tool in our arsenal to use to avoid power struggles and teach kids to develop decision making.

For a more thorough discussion of the concept of choices, watch the video below from Becky Bailey's Conscious Discipline series.

The "bad" kids?

Recently, during a training on stages of behavior, a teacher commented to the group that the kids she  was about to work with in ISS were "bad."  She went to on to tell how they just didn't care how they acted and there was not much she could do about it. The trainer moved on after this and I didn't get to talk with her as she left quickly.  Maybe that opportunity will arise later.  If I I ever do have that chance, here is what I would say:

"I understand where you are coming from.  At one time, I thought the same thing.  I believed that there were the good kids who rarely got into trouble, the kids who were annoying but not to the point of disruption, and then there were the "bad" kids.  I always hated to see those kids in my class because I thought they just didn't care.  Over time and lots of experience, though, I learned that none of that is true.  The kids who are acting out care just as much as the ones who behave all the time.  Their acting out is simply a cry for help, a way to say "I'm having problems but I don't know how to express this any other way."  These kids need caring adults who are willing to take the time to recognize their cries for help, build relationships with them, and then teach them ways to respond appropriately.    They need people who are willing to see beyond their behavior to the person underneath.  Until that happens, nothing will change.  In the role you are in now, you have many opportunities to be that person."

As an administrator, I spend countless hours just listening to kids who are sent to me because they have been disrupting class.  I see this not as an opportunity for punishment, but as a chance to hear their side of the story and then teach and practice different ways to act in the same situation.  Are there consequences when a student has been behaving inappropriately? Of course, because in life there are always consequences.  I just try to focus on natural consequences whenever possible.

It is funny how time and experience change our perceptions.  For me, it was the difference I saw in  kids after they left junior high and entered high school.  They matured and began to make better choices.  Many of the so called "bad" kids that I had as students earlier in my career are now successful adults. In fact, I have had a number apologize to me for their behavior.  Now that I am on the primary campus, I have many of my former students children.  I see them working hard to be good parents and am thankful that I and my colleagues didn't give up on them so many years ago.

As a primary school administrator, I have the opportunity to help kids develop the skills they need to be successful in the years to come.  I can think of no greater blessing than being able to see these children in junior high and beyond making great choices because they learned how when they were in kindergarten and first grade.

But, I've strayed from my point a bit.  So, to reiterate, every child wants to be successful. None really want to be the "bad" kid.  As educators, we must do everything we can to help all kids learn the skills they need to be productive citizens. When they make bad choices (everybody does), we need to resist the urge to label them and instead take the time to listen and be there to guide them along.  In doing so, we will help them become the best they can be.

Perspective is everything

A few weeks back, we had a fundraiser kickoff where a salesman came and spoke to all of our kindergarten students as a group. The kids came in, sat on the cafeteria floor, and listened and laughed during the presentation.  They oohed and aahed at the prizes being offered and played along with the salesman's antics.  When he asked for quiet, however, several continued talking with their friends and teachers had to intervene. This disturbed me because I know our kids can do better and we had been practicing how to behave when we have guests.  I was shocked when, as the salesman was packing up, he told me this was the best kindergarten group he had worked with in a long time.  When I pressed him for details, he shared that he usually spends most of his time just getting kindergartners quiet, especially after the exciting parts of the program.  Our kids, he told me, were excited at the right times, but got focused when they needed to.  Being that this is my first year with kinder, his perspective helped me see that our students may be doing better than I realize.  (By the way, 1st Grade was marvelous at the next presentation.)

This is not the first time this has happened.  In my first year as an administrator, I was put in charge of the cafeteria where we had to feed close to 800 students in three 30 minute shifts.  We had a system in place, but I never felt that it was the best it could be.  To me, there was too much movement, especially as we were cleaning up, and the room was often too loud for my taste.  One week, we had a substitute custodian who rotated among districts.  About the middle of the week, he approached me to tell me how much he enjoyed working in our cafeteria.  I thought, "Good gracious, why?" In his perspective, this was one of the most organized school cafeterias he had ever been in.  "In most places I work, the kids are constantly getting up, are turned around talking, and they usually leave a mess.  Your kids don't get up until it's time to put up and they clean up after themselves. It makes my job easier."  After that day, I started to view the cafeteria a little differently.

When we are in the middle of a situation, our perspective can become skewed, often towards the negative.  Sometimes, it takes the perspective of an outsider to shed light on the positives that are all around us.  Does this mean that we should stop trying to improve?  Of course not.  It does mean, however, that we need to invite other perspectives and allow ourselves to celebrate the positives while working hard to reduce or eliminate the negatives.

(By the way, this can also work in the opposite direction, when we think things are going great, but others do not have the same perspective.  We need to listen and learn in both cases.)

The importance of Persistence

I was visiting my mother's house over the holidays when she mentioned that her water heater needed to be drained.  Being the dutiful son that I am, I took the hint and proceeded to the task.  Draining the heater was easy.  Getting it re-lit was not.  For what seemed like an eternity, I attempted to light the pilot with no success.  The operating instructions were followed to a tee and the manufacturer was called, but with no success.  After consulting the internet, I realized I needed to use a mirror to see if the unit was sparking.  It was.  Hope was in the air.  After over an hour, a flame finally appeared.  The directions said to hold the gas down for one minute.  I let go at 55 seconds.  The flame extinguished.  More attempts were made and finally another flame appeared.  It went out as well after I was startled and again released the gas early.  Finally, after another 10 minutes, another flame was created and this time, not willing to suffer defeat again, I held the gas down for a full 90 seconds.  The pilot flame remained on and I was able to start the heater once again.

Throughout this experience, I was tempted multiple times give up and call a serviceman to come and light the heater for me.  Yet, I knew I was following the instructions exactly as written and was determined to get the heater lit.  Thankfully, persistence paid off.  

After this experience, I began to ponder how, as educators, it is so easy to give up when persistence and tenacity can eventually bring positive results.  Working with people, both children and adults, requires that we stick with the task, adjusting as needed, until we see the desired results.  While reflecting, I identified three areas where persistence can eventually provide positive results:   

Student behavior plans:  Behavioral changes take time and effort.  There is rarely a quick fix, especially for deep-seated issues.   In many cases, it will take six weeks or more for a behavior plan to be effective.  In fact, often very little change is seen early on.  It is in these early stages that we are most likely to give up.  Doing so can prove detrimental to lasting results.  A prime example occurred recently when I helped a teacher develop a behavior plan for a child who was acting out every day, often causing a complete shut down of learning in the room.  We developed a behavior chart that she would complete and discuss with the child each day, while at the same time encouraging the student and avoiding any unnecessary triggers.  For the first three weeks, it was a daily struggle and I had to encourage this teacher to just keep plugging away.  After three weeks, we started seeing some positive results.  The number of negative behaviors started slowly dropping and positive behaviors began to increase.  We still kept at it, refusing to lose the positive ground we had gained.  Each successive day brought more positive results.  Finally, after about 9 weeks, you would not have realized that this child was ever on a behavior plan. However, had we stopped at any time during this process, we would not have seen the results we received.  

Lessons: How many times have you had a lesson that you just knew was going to be great and it flopped?  When I was in the classroom, this happened more times than I can remember.  It was so tempting to throw the whole thing out and start from scratch.  However, usually I discovered after reflecting on the lesson, that it just needed a little adjusting and it would work as planned.  As a Science teacher, this happened multiple times with lab experiences.  The first time we would do a new lab, it would be a disaster.  The students would make multiple mistakes on the lab instructions, end up not understanding the concept, and both of us would be frustrated.  I learned over time, however, that the best thing to do in these cases was to just do the lab again the next day.  The first time I tried this I was amazed at how the students not only followed the instructions more accurately, but they also learned the concept at a much deeper level.  

Professional Development: So many times, schools and districts approach professional development as a one-off event and then wonder why they are not seeing the new learning being applied consistently.  To be effective, PD should be a persistent effort involving initial training followed by time for application and reflection.  More training should follow with time again allowed for application and reflection,  This process should be followed until the learning becomes second nature. Without this persistence, the initial training becomes, for the most part, a waste of time.  

In education, as with water heaters, persistence is key. We cannot afford to give up before we see the results that we need, especially when we realize that we are affecting the lives of children, possibly for years to come.  

I would love to hear of other examples of persistence in education.  Feel free to comment. 

You don't say: Non-verbal classroom management

Some of the most overlooked classroom management strategies are non-verbal actions and cues.  For some reason, many of us seem to believe that if we didn't say it then it wasn't communicated.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  As a teacher, it took me several years to understand the power of non-verbal communication strategies and their effect on student behavior.  As an administrator, I use these strategies daily, especially when working with large groups.  The reason I believe they work is that they are  non-threatening and allow the student to save face because others rarely even notice that a directive has been given.  This cuts down on the escalation that can occur when a student feels they are being verbally reprimanded. 

Some examples of non-verbal management strategies are:

1)  Proximity control - When the teacher moves close to a student who is off-task or acting out.  The close proximity of teacher to student is often all it takes for behavior to change.  In addition, the teacher might touch the desk or the paper to indicate the need to get back to work. Proximity control tends to work better when the teacher is regularly moving throughout the room.  If the students don't know where the teacher will be next, they are less likely to act out.  

2)  Visual cues - There are a number of cues that teachers can use to redirect student behavior.  Some are universal such as a finger over the lips for silence or nodding/shaking the head for yes and no.  Others are specific to the teacher or classroom.  For example, I point to my shirt and make a tucking motion when directing a student to put their shirt in or make a twirling motion with my finger to indicate the need to turn around.  These cues can also be used to reinforce positive behavior such as a thumbs up or a fist bump.  Students can also be taught to use visual cues.  For example, raising a pencil can indicate the need to go to the sharpener.  At lunch, my students have been trained to point to the restroom door or the water fountain to ask permission to go these locations.  

3)  The "Look"  - The "look" is a technique that I don't believe is used often enough.  Basically, the teacher looks directly at the acting out/off-task child with a silent stare that is neither happy not angry, but ambivalent.  Many mothers, especially those from the "old school," have this down pat. When a teacher has perfected the look, they can move a child to proper behavior from across the room.  However, for the look to work effectively, the student needs to understand that, if the behavior doesn't change, there will be a consequence coming shortly.  

Non-verbal classroom management techniques are simple to implement and can be extremely powerful when used effectively.  I would encourage all educators to add these and other non-verbal strategies to their classroom management tool bag.  

What are some non-verbal techniques that have been effective in your classroom?  Please share your ideas in the comments.  

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