Perspective is everything

A few weeks back, we had a fundraiser kickoff where a salesman came and spoke to all of our kindergarten students as a group. The kids came in, sat on the cafeteria floor, and listened and laughed during the presentation.  They oohed and aahed at the prizes being offered and played along with the salesman's antics.  When he asked for quiet, however, several continued talking with their friends and teachers had to intervene. This disturbed me because I know our kids can do better and we had been practicing how to behave when we have guests.  I was shocked when, as the salesman was packing up, he told me this was the best kindergarten group he had worked with in a long time.  When I pressed him for details, he shared that he usually spends most of his time just getting kindergartners quiet, especially after the exciting parts of the program.  Our kids, he told me, were excited at the right times, but got focused when they needed to.  Being that this is my first year with kinder, his perspective helped me see that our students may be doing better than I realize.  (By the way, 1st Grade was marvelous at the next presentation.)

This is not the first time this has happened.  In my first year as an administrator, I was put in charge of the cafeteria where we had to feed close to 800 students in three 30 minute shifts.  We had a system in place, but I never felt that it was the best it could be.  To me, there was too much movement, especially as we were cleaning up, and the room was often too loud for my taste.  One week, we had a substitute custodian who rotated among districts.  About the middle of the week, he approached me to tell me how much he enjoyed working in our cafeteria.  I thought, "Good gracious, why?" In his perspective, this was one of the most organized school cafeterias he had ever been in.  "In most places I work, the kids are constantly getting up, are turned around talking, and they usually leave a mess.  Your kids don't get up until it's time to put up and they clean up after themselves. It makes my job easier."  After that day, I started to view the cafeteria a little differently.

When we are in the middle of a situation, our perspective can become skewed, often towards the negative.  Sometimes, it takes the perspective of an outsider to shed light on the positives that are all around us.  Does this mean that we should stop trying to improve?  Of course not.  It does mean, however, that we need to invite other perspectives and allow ourselves to celebrate the positives while working hard to reduce or eliminate the negatives.

(By the way, this can also work in the opposite direction, when we think things are going great, but others do not have the same perspective.  We need to listen and learn in both cases.)

On being the only man on campus

This year, I took a position at a Primary campus where I am the only man on the staff.  I'm also the first male administrator the campus has had since the 1990's.  It has been a wonderful as well as eye-opening experience.  Being the only man means that I get called on to take care of situations that the female staff are uncomfortable with.  This means everything from teaching boys how to lift a toilet seat to chasing away stray dogs and talking down angry parents.

For many of the children on our campus, there is no positive male influence in their lives.  They are raised by mothers or grandmothers and a father or father-figure is simply not in the picture.  While I can never replace those men, I hope that my presence and influence will make a difference in their lives.  This was brought to my attention this week while talking with a single mother about some personal issues I was helping her son with.  Her words hit me like a hammer.  "Mr. Quarles, his dad died two years ago and he doesn't have anyone to help him learn how to act like a man." "I try," she said, "but it's not the same. Thank you."  It was after this conversation that I realized this is a calling and I am on this campus for a reason.

Knowing I was to be the only man on campus, I knew I needed some help.  So, my first request was to start WatchD.O.G.S.   At our kickoff, we had over 100 men show up and so far we've had 27 serve at least one day on campus.  Most have been here multiple days.  Their presence makes my job so much easier and it greatly impacts both the teachers and the students.  Children who say they don't like to read will gladly volunteer to read to a WatchDOGS 'dad.' Teachers say their presence and involvement helps kids stay on task. When they are on campus, the number of discipline problems drops.  It just amazes me what the presence of a positive male role model can do for kids.

Throughout this year, I have been thoroughly blessed to work with teachers who are caring, nurturing, and knowledgeable about teaching primary school students.  I am also learning from a principal who has forgotten more about running a primary school than I'll ever know.  Still, at least once a week, someone comes up to me to say how thankful they are to have a man on campus.  It could have been any man.  I am so blessed it is me!

Don't ever let them down

It was raining and cold as I approached the store entrance.  "Excuse me, sir," said a voice from the shadows.  As I looked up, I saw a young man in his early 20's approaching.  He was tall with red hair and a scruffy red beard.  While his clothes were disheveled and hands soiled, he had a kind look in his eyes that was vaguely familiar.  "I need something to eat. Can you help me?"  I make it a habit to never give money, but I'll gladly buy food, gas, or other necessities if I'm able.  "What do you need?" I asked.  "Something I can eat that's hot and not in a can.  I'm really hungry," he replied.  I motioned for him to follow me and as we walked towards the deli area, he looked closely at me and said, "I know you, don't I?"  "What's your name?" I inquired.  "John."  My mind raced back several years as I remembered how I knew him.  "I was your teacher, John."  "Mr. Quarles!  7th Grade Science. I really enjoyed being in your class.  You made learning fun." He paused. "I always looked up to you."

As we stood at the deli, I told him to get what he needed and I'd pay for it. John looked over the various foods and began to tell me about his life since junior high.  "I was in trouble quite a bit in school, but things got really bad when my Mom died.  I just went crazy and got strung out.  I didn't want to live anymore.  I'm smart, but I didn't act that way.  I wasted a big part of my life so far." I agreed with him that he was intelligent.  I remembered that about him.  He was always ready to question and participate.  Not a model student, but fun to to have in class. 

Suddenly, he looked right at me and his words took my breath away.  "I wish someone like you would have been there for me.  I needed a man in my life to show me how to live. I wish you could have helped me."  I thought to myself, "John, I didn't know.  I was so busy trying to do my job that I didn't take the time to really get to know you.  I wish now I would have."  

We talked for a while longer about the struggles he had after his mother passed away, how he had battled mental illness, been in trouble with the law, couldn't find a steady job, and was sleeping on friend's couches.  He told me how he was trying hard to make it and that he wasn't going to give up.  

"What can I for you, John?"   His response nearly brought me to tears.  "Mr. Quarles, you can do one thing for me."  "What is that?"I asked.  "Be there for your students. They look up to you, so don't ever let them down.  I don't want anybody to end up the way I did."  "I'll take that to heart, John," I replied.  Shortly after, we went our separate ways. 

Was meeting up with John a divine appointment?  Probably so.  I only know that the encounter was not what I was expecting nor prepared for.  But, I must do what I said and take his words to heart.  As a teacher, I missed a lot of opportunities to positively impact the lives of students. I was so focused on teaching the curriculum that I failed to really get to know my students.  Thankfully, we get second chances.  As an administrator, I have opportunity every day to reach into the lives of struggling kids and help them as they navigate their way through life. We all need someone to guide us.  John reminded me tonight that I can be that person.  Now, I don't want to let him down again.  

My best thinking

Years ago, I had a principal whose favorite saying was, "Other people do my best thinking for me."  Today, I put that mantra to the test. When faced with some important decisions,  I spent time trying to come up with my own solutions. I quickly realized that others in the building had better insights than I did.  So, I asked for their help.  They were happy to assist and because they've worked there longer, their ideas were often practical and easy to implement.  While what I was considering would have done the job, these fresh ideas were right on target and caused things to go much smoother than they would have otherwise.  In some cases, it actually placed more work on the other person, but they were willing to accept that as it was part of their solution. 

As a leader,  I have to remember that I don't know it all.  I am surrounded by a team of people who see things in ways I don't.  We depend on each other for help and support.  What happens when their ideas work well?  I give them credit.  What if their idea flops?  I take full credit.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  

Ultimately, I am responsible for the final result of my decisions.  I accept that. But, I don't have to be responsible for coming up with all the solutions.  If I'm going to be effective, I have to be willing to seek out and listen to others and, in some cases, let them do my best thinking for me.